A Diva State of Mind

Every month, Washington Life Magazine features a story on an attractive single in the DC area.  This time around, the magazine would like to compile a list of the ultimate twenty something singles in the DMV. They will be the top 20 singles of the year.

Ursula Lauriston, the author of Twenty Something, is seeking super attractive, smart, fun-loving, goodhearted and outgoing people. In order to be considered for the list, you must be under 30 years old, SINGLE and currently living in the DMV. 

If you (or someone you know) are interested in being considered, email Ursula at [email protected] with a photo of yourself, your age and a few facts about yourself.  All information must be submitted by Monday, August 29^th at 12pm.

Are you a top 20 single of the year?

Twenty Something is a social diary where she sounds off weekly on dating, D.C nightlife and events, career etiquette, and more. You can follow Ursula on twitter at @urdiggy.

Why is ABC featuring ANOTHER round table discussion about the state of successful, single black women? This discussion has gone on and on and on…Are we expecting a different outcome if we talk about it one more time??

What new information can Sherri Shepard (has she finally stopped talking about her ex),  Jackie Reed (she interrogated her dates on “Let’s Talk About Pep”,  writer/journalist Jimi Izrael and actor/author Hill Harper, who both always have a lot to say about black women and relationships, really give us?.  I”m sure whatever their thoughts and opinions are, I’m sure we’ve heard it all before.

 We all know the statistics. As posted on ABC News Nightline, “According to a recent Yale study, 43 percent of African-American women over the age of 16 have yet to be married, compared to only 23 percent of white women. There’s also a gap in numbers. The 2000 U.S. Census counted 1.8 million more African-American women than black men.”

Now when you look at those numbers, you can’t help but to think DAMN, the odds are against me!!  But instead of dwelling on how there aren’t any black men out there, are we doing all we can to meet eligible men that are out there?

Here is some advice for you single and successful black women out there.  And now that summer is approaching, it’s a great time to meet new people!  

1.   Since there is a shortage of good black men, let’s be more open.  That means, don’t turn down a date if he doesn’t fit your list of 99 qualities you’re looking for in a mate.

2.   Contrary to what some women think, if you’re interested, make a move.  My guy friends tell me they think it’s attractive when a woman asks them out.

3.   Let’s change our face! I know I have a habit of looking mean and unapproachable.  Change your demeanor.  You can still be an assertive, strong willed woman without looking like you’re.

4.   Search outside of the club scene.  Well first of all, if you’re in your mid twenties, you should be attending lounges and not clubs! I’m just sayin…but anyway. This means, you’ll need to find the single black men where they hang out other than Ozios and The Park on the weekend.  Try places like a sports bar or gym

Now I’m sure you’re all wondering, since I’m giving this advice, does that mean I’m in a relationship.  NOPE! I’m still single, but I am taking my own advice and look forward to having a summer filled with meeting new people   

Do you ladies and gents have any other suggestions on how single and successful black women can meet those eligible black bachelors??

One of my college friends is trying to come down to DC in 2 weeks to visit.  She’s finishing up her last year of grad school so her money situation is a little tight.  She used to talk to date a guy from DC, but that relationship fizzled and they moved on.  He actually got married.

So why is he now trying to fly her down to DC, pay for lodging and hang out???  Excuse me!! If he’s married, there is no reason he should be trying to make arrangements to fly a female he used to date into town.  He needs to go home and make weekend arrangements to hang out with his wife!!!

It’s ironic that my friend told me this the same day I was listening to the radio and heard a statistic that more men than women can’t get over their exes. Guys called into the radio talking about how they still talk to their ex girlfriends daily even though they are in new relationships.  One guy that called in was engaged and obviously still in love with his ex.

Here’s what I don’t understand, if you’re going to move on, why not MOVE ON COMPLETELY!? Why jump into new situations, when you still have feelings for the old one?  If you decide to make the commitment to be married, live up to that oath and be married.  Unfortunately for you, you’re NO LONGER SINGLE.  If you wanted to live the single life, you shouldn’t have gotten down on one knee and asked someone to be your wife.

One of my Facebook friends posted a video called “If you’re not married, you’re single.” It featured a guy talking about relationships and how so many people are  “DOING THE MOST” and are not married. This youtube video is hilarious but SOOOOO TRUE!!!! Definitely something everyone needs to hear!  Check it out and let me know what you think!!!

Some of my friends have made a declaration that at the age of 24, they don’t want to be in a relationship. They want to be “free” and enjoy the single life; do what they want and go as they please without having to “answer to anyone.” Now I have lived this life FOREVER, so I always enjoy another friend who wants to join the single life bandwagon (that’s one more friend who is free to go out with me on weekends and meet for happy hours after work!)

So since everyone feels the single life is the way to live right now while we’re all in our early to mid twenties and while we strive to make a little money and find our way, why do my friends continue to feel the need to want to hook me up or introduce me to guys? One friend of mine wants to introduce me to some guy next time we all go out and says she is going to secretly hook me up without me knowing it. If I have male friends in my life that are cute and nice, I’m told by my girls “stop fakin’ or why are you talking to him??” My best friend always wants me to meet someone or talk to someone. If we’re out I’ll here “what’s wrong with him?” “He’s cute, why didn’t you give him your number??” I know I’ve been by myself for a very long time but damn, do I really come across as being that lonely?? LOL

My female friends have been in on again, off again relationships that seem to be filled with so much drama, you forget that they had good times. Or they forget they have friends because they’re with their mates ALL the time. My male friends have been in relationships where they don’t feel free and they seem to be different people while in the relationship. Now after witnessing those all of that, what makes you think right now I want to endure the drama of a relationship? Don’t get me wrong, it would be nice to have someone to chill with on those cold winter nights (cuddle buddies are great) and it would be nice to have someone to just be there. I can even admit that I’m not interested in liking anyone right now; it’s too much drama and most of the times you’re feelings get hurt anyway, so why even go down that path of playing cat and mouse?? Yes I know, you’re supposed to live life and take chances. Well right now I would rather enjoy the good times of happy hour and U Street with the girls on a Saturday night. When the time is right, I’ll start crushing on a new guy and looking for a relationship. Right now is just not that time!!!!