If your friend’s spouse was cheating and you knew, would you tell your friend?
This post is inspired about a recent incident on Love & Hip Hop. Here’s a recap:
Rasheed and Kirk are married. Rasheeda found out she was pregnant and told Kirk. Instead of being excited, he told her she should get an abortion. They were trying to make some major career changes and the timing wasn’t perfect. He also suggested that the baby wasn’t his since Rasheeda is a rapper and they live a certain lifestyle (the baby is definitely his). There as a lot of back and forth and eventually, Rasheeda told Kirk he needed to leave and really figure out what he wanted to do in terms of their family. He interpreted the request to leave as a free pass; during a boys trip to a cabin, he got it in with one or two “popcorn heauxs.” Rasheeda’s friend Traci found out and told Rasheeda.
For those that watch the show, did I miss anything?
Overall Kirk is trifling, but we’ll just focus on the “telling a friend their spouse is cheating” part. That is tricky!! I’ve never been in this situation. My initial reaction would be to tell my friend. How could I keep something like that from them? As a friend, I want the best for them; being cheated on is beyond unacceptable!
A coworker and I talked about this a few weeks ago and she provided a different perspective. While telling a friend about a cheating spouse comes from a good place, the friend may not be very receptive. They may not believe you. After all, no one wants to hear from an outside source that their spouse is cheating. Sharing this type of information could ruin your friendship (it happens more often than you’d think).
What would you do?? If your friend’s spouse is cheating, do you spill the beans? Would you want your friend to tell you if your spouse was cheating?
July 23rd, 2013 on 1:09 pm
I’m going to look past the fact that he is trifling cause that is a whole other issue to begin with. I’m taking this from the perspective that this is a close friend who I know and have a connection with. If the spouse knew that I was aware of them treating I would confront them and give them the ultimatum to step up and tell their spouse and if they chose not to that I would inform them that I was going to tell them. I understand the perspective of how will the person handle it but hands down the person should know. They should have the right to make the decisions on what they want to do with their marriage. Not only do I personally feel it is the right thing to do it also comes down to the risk of spreading all types of diseases. If the spouse is cheating they may not be using protection. Also a marriage is about trust and fidelity if you cant commit to that then you have forsaken the whole sanctity of marriage. Lastly if the friend decides to tell they can not hold their own personal feelings over what their friend decides to do..leave or stay. As the friend you are shedding light and now it is in their court to do with the information as they see it. Bottom line don’t cheat and we don’t have to worry about this issue. Much love.
July 23rd, 2013 on 3:59 pm
I think it’s definitely tricky. Although, like you said you are just looking out for their best interests,it may not actually be in their best interest to say anything. For example, the scene from ‘Being Mary Jane’, where she told the wife she had been sleeping with her husband and the wife was like, ok well now what do you want me to do?? He’s the father of my 2 kids etc etc. At the end of the day, as friend, you are not a part of that marriage, and what you would do in that situation is not necessarily what your friend would do. Alot of women out there don’t want to know, especially if their lives are good and their family is being taken care of. now if the mistress is living larger then the wife and kids… thats a totally different story. But in short, i think thats something friends should talk abt, even if it is slightly taboo. My sister has a friend that straight up told her in conversation tht if they ever witnessed her husband cheating don’t say anythig to her abt it. And low and behold the husband was caught cheating, but bc of what the wife had said the friends didnt say anything. But at the end of the day, i’m pretty sure most women whose husbands are cheating more than likely know it, so you don’t need to say anything. Folks need time to process things for themselves and act on it in their own time.
July 24th, 2013 on 3:57 am
I wouldn’t tell. I would let guilt kill the perpetrator on the inside.
July 25th, 2013 on 4:07 pm
I told a friend once that her bf was cheating on her. You know what she did? She questioned my source. To me, as soon as I hear something going on, even a sniff, I’m letting my friend know. She didn’t listen and well…the rest is HerStory. I’m just saying, I would want to know.