I have reached a point of frustration when it comes to my dating life. I’m not even sure you can call it a dating life since it has really been non-existent since I was of the dating age. But when it comes to my interaction with males, it’s really starting to take its toll on my esteem.
Over the years, I’ve been told that I’m pretty, I’m “wifey” material and any man would be lucky to be with me. However time and time again I have found that those qualities are not good enough or not what men are really looking for. More often than not, I have found myself interacting with guys who, at the end of the day, think I’m only good enough to flirt with; never anything more.
I will admit that in the past, when it came to dating, I was a little reserved. But over the last few years, I made a vow to be more open to giving guys my number and appearing more available. I mean, I’m not getting any younger and if I do want to eventually be in a relationship, I have to be proactive right?
So I took the advice of friends to be less reserved and even after doing so I have gotten nowhere! I gave one guy my number and later found out the reason he never called to ask me out was because I look like I require too much. What exactly is that suppose to mean?! Can men these days not handle a confident, educated, driven, caring and social woman? If that is the case, then I, along with so many other women I know, are in a lot of trouble when it comes to dating!
Now I know some will say “there are plenty of guys that are out there, but you’d never give them a chance.” However, I do believe that there has to be an attraction from both parties in order for there to be an interest in dating. This may be one of the many problems contributing to my current status, but I’m just being honest.
The older we get the more serious we become about relationships. I have two friends that were married within the last year while a number of others are in relationships. It never really bothered me before but now that I’m now closer to 30 than 19 (my dad’s saying, not mine), I begin to take a more serious look at finding a mate.
I know I will be in a relationship when the time is right and at this point I have to truly believe that. I do not pray to God to find me a mate; instead I pray that I be ready when he arrives. I understand, I’m currently on my grind to get my business going and continuing to work toward moving past a place of just being so right now probably is not a good time to focus on dating. All I do know that is after hearing one thing (you’re great, you’re so fly, etc), but experiencing another (not being enough) for so long, no matter what I believe, I can’t help but entertain the question, is there something wrong with me?
October 18th, 2011 on 3:39 pm
There is nothing wrong with you. Dating is hard. Finding the one is hard. Being in love with someone who does not love you back is devastating. And believe me I know all this. It is even more difficult when you (in this case me) are looking for someone with certain qualities. I just can not settle for less. Which may be why I am going on 2yrs of being COMPLETELY man free.
Like you mentioned in your last paragraph, you are building a business. So, concentrate on your dreams and like they say when you are not looking that is when love comes. Until that moment be confident that you are a great woman and anyone would be lucky to have you.
October 18th, 2011 on 7:26 pm
I dont think u completely understand why your “bait” isn’t working. I think the “issue” is probably deeper than your perspective is allowing you to look…just my thoughts though…but good luck
October 18th, 2011 on 8:48 pm
I had a long talk with a friend this weekend about similar feelings regarding life in general, and she had to remind me to thank God for the Mercies he has on our lives. We always thank Him for the Graces (ie Praise Him for that wonderful job, new house, great man), but sometimes we fail to recognize that he has had Mercy on us by saving us from getting that job with the terrible boss; the house with the termites; or that abusive, cheating, selfish, emotionally draining (and the list goes on) man. Heartache sucks, in all caps…SUCKS. Settling is stupid, and Regret also isn’t so fun. So be grateful for the things that you do have in your life as well as the things that you don’t. Everybody’s life journey is different. You have experienced so many successes thus far, keep up the GREAT work. Continue to explore and do what makes you happy, bc just having a man certainly won’t. Focus on launching your business, a man really just might be a distraction right now. The beauty of being single is that you can do WHATEVER you want without anyone or anything holding you back. Be free to “Do You” while you can. Become an enterpreneur, travel the world, do whatever it is that makes you smile. And when the time comes for another person to join you on your journey you can surely rest assured that you’ve “done you” to the fullest extent and are ready for that DESERVING & QUALITY plus one on the ride:-)
PS If I didn’t say it loud enough, there’s NOTHING wrong with you! xoxo
October 19th, 2011 on 3:32 pm
To answer your question there’s nothing wrong with you. I agree with @blackguyatwork that it’s not about what you have to offer, and why they don’t want that, or you not being good enough… it’s probably as simple as they aren’t the one.
A friend of mine once told me “the chances of you finding a good girl are way higher than you finding a good guy.” His point wasn’t that their aren’t good men but that what we are looking for, “the things we won’t settle on,” aren’t as easy for us to find as it is for a guy to get the basics of what he’s looking for. From experience it’s not that we aren’t good enough, it’s simply we’re not the ones they want.
I think a lot of times we as women focus on the negatives and what we don’t have, and aren’t getting before we look at the situation for what it is.
If you were reserved before, I’m glad you’re taking the time to just try. Continue to do that, don’t get so caught up in what’s not working, be confident in knowing you’re good enough, and even if it doesn’t work out, there’s someone out there who’s meant just for you.