A Diva State of Mind

There’s one in every group of girlfriends; the friend that always has a guy around.  She’s always talking to someone. She loves to share the highs and lows of the “relationships,” but there seems to always be a common theme.  The guys she talks to always seem to end up being no good (aka a jerk) and she keeps them around anyway or she quickly loses interest in one and finds a new guy to talk to immediately. 

Please keep in mind this is my opinion, but to me this is toxic behavior. It’s a red flag that something else is going on. Why do some women feel the need to always have a guy around? Even if the guy is a complete as*hole (lied, cheated, put your health at risk), they still want to keep them around? What void do women feel is being filled by having guys around constantly?

We’ve all been in situations where someone has done us wrong and we try to hold on to the idea of who we want them to be and we just can’t let them go.  Some women will use the following excuses: I care for him, we’ve invested to much time, blah blah blah.  But after much observation, I think I’ve finally discovered the real reason women jump from guy to guy without taking a break (a break would equal months of being single) or SETTLE for bullsh*t presented before them: there is a lack of self love.

To that one friend in every group of girlfriends, you may need to take a break from guys and determine who you really are. When you have guys around constantly, you never have time to breathe and focus on yourself.  If you really took the time to understand yourself, you’d know that you’re beautiful, intelligent and capable of conquering the world. You don’t need a guy around ALL the time to validate you.  If you really loved yourself, you wouldn’t continue to play games and CHOOSE to keep toxic people around.

By taking time to work on ourselves, we would learn to appreciate ourselves and know that we deserve to be treated with respect. We would treat people the way we want to be treated.  We’d stop playing games and hold those around us to the same standard.  Taking the time to really understand and love ourselves would help us comprehend what it is we hope to gain out of life and what our expectations are in ourselves and other people.  

Once we love ourselves, we hold the power. Self love gives you the power to set the standard for what it is you’ll tolerate.   

Please note: While the title of this post is directed towards women, the message can apply to all of us!

We were first introduced to the military trend last year and it is here to stay!  Popular colors for this trend include black, camel and olive green.  What’s nice about the military look is that it’s easy to incorporate into your wardrobe; military booties will look great with a pair of skinny jeans or paired with a skirt/dress and tights.  Rock a military jacket with lace up boots or over the knee boots and you’ll definitely turn heads this season!

Popular places to shop for the military style include EXPRESS, H&M, Top Shop, Lord & Taylor and Macy’s.

This week marks Colon Cancer Awareness Week in DC. There are a number of events taking place throughout the city. Here’s one you should attend!

Debra Minor-Hairston, a colon cancer survivor and the Colon Cancer Alliance host DC Goes Blue For Colon Cancer Awareness Happy Hour. The event will celebrate survivors, while stressing the importance of getting screened for colon cancer, which is preventable when caught early through screening. The Colon Cancer Alliance (CCA) works as a voice of the survivors and being an advocate for colorectal cancer patients and their families. The CCA offers information and support from people whose lives have been touched by this disease. In addition, the CCA provides support, public education, supports research and conducts advocacy work across America.

Happy Hour will be Thursday, September 30 from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. at Tabaq Bistro Lounge (1336 U Street NW, WDC). Happy Hour specials include $4 beers, $5 call drinks, and $6 wine/cosmo/tinis and reduced priced appetizers. Trumpet sounds will also be provided by Kieron. All who attend are asked to wear something blue. 10% of drink proceeds will be donated to the Colon Cancer Alliance.

We all enjoy attending happy hours, so why not attend an event that will benefit those in our community!

Please visit DC Goes Blue for more information.

Cooler temperatures not only mark the beginning of Fall.  It also marks the beginning of cuddle buddy season!

I’ve heard guys talk about cuddle buddy season a lot lately, now that the weather is starting to cool off.  I’m sure women take part in the season too, but I haven’t heard them talk about it as much.   I had a few questions regarding the ”season,” so I reached out to my friend Earl and asked him to explain.  Here’s what he had to say:

ADSOM: What exactly is cuddle buddy season?

EARL: Every year around this time, people begin to take part in a tradition know as cuddle buddy season.  This is the time of the year when it begins to get cooler and soon the usual party goers hibernate. So there will be a slimmer chance of finding someone to take home for that one night and the opportunities to meet women are a lot less. Now is the time when men put their best “mac” down and go “hard in the paint” to try to impress a chick and make sure he has some insurance for the long cold winter ahead.  No one wants to be left out in the cold.

ADSOM: What qualities do you look for in a cuddle buddy?

EARL: The qualities that you look for in a cuddle buddy are: 1) she is DTF (Jersey Shore reference) or willing to engage in the act of sexual intercourse.  2) She must be cool and someone a guy can tolerate for an overnight stay or even a weekend if necessary (ie. blizzard of 2010).  So there has to be more than just sex.  The two of you need to communicate on other levels because you will be potentially dealing with this person on a frequent basis. The best practice is to have a couple of cuddle buddies so you don’t get tired of each other, which will increase the chances of them lasting the entire winter.

ADSOM: Are there any rules?

EARL: There are really no specific rules to this time of year. Many people will proclaim that ‘no feelings’ should be involved and understand that this is circumstantial, but unfortunately when you spend that much intimate time with someone, it’s hard to avoid those ‘feeling thingies’. If this happens, you have the opportunity to pursue something further. I think a lot of relationships start because of this season, but if both parties are fully immersed in the cuddle buddy culture and not looking for anything serious then they understand that the season ends around late March/early April.

ADSOM: What happens when the season ends?

Once the season ends, it’s back to the drawing board. You have the option to continue that relationship with that person in the same fashion (at which point it translates to a jump-off) or go your separate ways. This is also the time when people begin to get in the gym, start their diets, etc to begin working on their “summer body.” 

EARL: To sum up this season, I will leave you with a quote:  ”I’m just looking for a snow bunny that’s willing to melt in March”

Leave it up to my friends to break down cuddle buddy season! LOL. You can follow Earl on twitter @TheRealEHylton.

Please keep in mind, this is the male perspective of cuddle buddy season.  Ladies, does your idea of cuddle buddy season differ at all? Will you be recruiting for a cuddle buddy this season!?

Fall is not only a time to add a few new pieces to the wardrobe; it’s also a time to change your hair! It’s a time to regroup and repair our hair from the harsh summer sun and activities.  In order to provide you with a full trend report, I asked my hair stylist, Alicia, to share with you this Fall’s hair trends and tips:

COLOR

Before you decide on any color for this Fall/Winter season, consult with your stylist on the integrity of your hair (don’t risk the health of your hair for hair fashion). In terms of color this fall, shades of red are huge this season.  Many shy away from reds because they feel like red may be too loud and bright but reds have a lot of character. There are a wide range of shades; red-orange, red-red, red-violet, red-brown, violet-red and pink-red.

Take your color to the next level by framing your face with highlights or adding dimensional color; using 2-4 shades in the same family to give your hair a natural soft progression through the different colors.

HAIRSTYLES: BOB

After determining the best color for you, it’s time to figure out your haircut. A great haircut can go a long way! The famous and very maintainable BOB is classic and versatile. You can update a BOB with a bang that fits your face.  A longer BOB is a way to have a stylish haircut without sacrificing length. Curls and waves update the BOB tremendously; try to use a 1” flat iron or a large barrel curling iron to give some wave to your modern BOB.

SHAG

For those who like to be adventurous with your haircuts and styles, my favorite is the SHAG. The SHAG creates lots of CHOPPY layers and lots of texture.  The Shag is for those who like lots of texture and movement. You can add bangs to a SHAG or SHAG out a BOB on the top with layering. Generally SHAGs are styled by quick styling with some type of styling aid like pomade, wax, or something dry like CIBU sticky rice.

Alicia is a hair stylist (and the master behind my short haircut & color) at Lux Studios in Bethesda, MD.  You can contact her through email at [email protected] or twitter @LnAhair. To make an consultation or appointment call (301)907-6810.

BUN

For those women with hair past your shoulder or those who prefer to wear extensions, the CLASSIC BUN has made a strong appearance this fall. You can achieve a classic bun with a bun circle form you attach to your pony tail then you cover the form and you’re done. Or you can make a messy bun with folding like a classic bun but instead of smoothing the ends shift it to the right or left to give a spin and you have a Messy BUN.

Last week I posted the Fall/Winter 2010 Trend Report.  Now it’s time to take a closer look at each trend. First up, Wide Leg Pants!

I absolutely LOVE wide leg pants. The straight line silhouette is flattering for any size and gives the illusion of longer legs. Anyone, no matter your height, can rock wide leg pants; just pair them with a fabulous pair of heels. If you’re going to wear wide leg pants, make sure you keep your top fitted for a nice polished look.

GAP, Banana Republic and Nordstrom are great retailers to find wide leg pants to wear to work. Dark denim wide leg jeans are a great option for casual Fridays.

Only Oprah could surprise 300 of her ultimate fans with a trip to Australia and have John Travolta as the pilot!  Talk about leaving a final impression! The Queen of talk shows out did herself with this episode!

The Farewell Season of The Oprah Winfrey Show began Monday, September 13^th. Only a Diva like Oprah could make plans to leave daytime television after 25 years and move on to start OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network).

This media mogul has built an empire: talk show, O Magazine, Dr. Phil Show, Dr. Oz Show, Nate Berkus Show (I don’t know if she started these shows, but all have been frequent guest on her show before getting their own show so you know her company has something to do with them getting started on other networks), and now OWN.  She also has the “Oprah Effect.”  Anything she decides she loves from books to gadgets on Amazon becomes an instant hit.

Not only is she a media mogul but she’s also a philanthropist. She started her own schools in Africa and creating Oprah’s Angel Network, a network that strives to inspire people to use their lives and help others in need. She is a true example of what it means to “live a meaningful life by living beyond you.” 

In 2011, Oprah steps down from her daytime television thrown and moves on to focus on OWN.  There will be a huge void from 4-5pm on ABC.  Who will take her place for the next 25 years?  Whoever it is, they have some huge shoes to fill!

Congratulations Oprah on 25 years!!

Check out Oprah’s surprise during her season premiere of the Farewell Season:

This year has been one of the biggest years of growth for me. And while I’m growing and learning more about myself and what it is I hope to accomplish in life, I’ve also found myself more than ever re-evaluating my friendships and the roles people play in my life.

I think we naively believe that the people who are currently in our lives are supposed to be there forever especially if we have  known each other for years.  But I’ve come to realize the length of time that I’ve known someone doesn’t determine whether or not a true friendship really exists. Friendship, like any relationship, takes work and effort from both parties. If you’re not giving 100%, why should I?

As an only child, friendships are invaluable to me; the people in my life are the brothers and sisters I’ve never had, but when I begin to feel that my love, support, and loyalty is unappreciated and not reciprocated, my mind begins to wonder. Maybe certain people are in my life for a season and that season has or is coming to an end; maybe their roles in my life have changed.

As we get older and our priorities change, I challenge each of you think about the people in your life. Are the people you surround yourself with around for a reason, season or lifetime? Are those you consider your true friends people you can rely on in a time of need, share your biggest fears, share a life changing moment and trust to have your back?

On the flip side, do you need to take a moment and look in the mirror to determine whether or not you’re living up to your end of your friendships? We’re not all destined to be true friends; some of us will truly only hang out when it is someone’s birthday or someone we know has a cookout. And before now, that would have bothered me because I strive to develop a real relationship with everyone that I know. People used to always say the older you get the fewer friends you will have.  As uncomfortable as that has been for me to deal with in the past, I think I’m finally ok with that concept.

What do you believe to be the TRUE meaning of friendship? How’d you deal with the realization that those that were supposed to be with you for a lifetime may not be or their roles changed from what you thought it would be your life.

In my quest to expand my knowledge of brands, I first introduced you to HELLZ in June, an edgy brand focusing on exhibiting feminine sexuality and confidence.   HELLZ is back with a vengeance this Fall with a new collection, “The Rest Is Her Story.”  Inspired by films Lady Snowblood and Thriller this collection is bold and unorthodox while conveying sensuality and fierceness.  

Check out the entire collection HERE: