A Diva State of Mind

So I went to the Jay-Z concert on Tuesday. HOV was in the building!! I was sooo excited to actually see him live. It was definitely a great concert. But my experience was almost overshadowed by the fact that the concert was in Baltimore!!

Talk about a different scenery from DC. For a second, I thought I was in Pittsburgh (bad outfits, bad weave!). Girls showed up in short dresses and 4 inch heels; struggling to walk to the stadium in the rain. Isn’t this a rap concert??? Believe me; Jay-Z is not going to see you in your club outfit while you’re dancing in the 306 section. Plus, he has Beyonce so he definitely isn’t looking at you!

And then there was the weed. Who knew it was ok to smoke weed in the arena!!! Ol boy behind me said he was waiting for the right Jay-Z song to come on so he could blaze. This was after he said “I’m not trying to get the swine flu. That’s why I don’t share my blunts with no one” WHAT??? (I digress). But anyway, I almost got high from second hand smoke while I was trying to jam to “Empire State of Mind.” On top of that, the Mariner Arena was old, dingy and felt unsanitary. Can we go back to the Verizon Center please?? Maybe I’m just bourgie, but I was reminded on Tuesday why Baltimore is not part of the DMV!

This weekend in Pittsburgh was not only a reunion, but definitely sparked some interesting conversations between me and my friends!  Without going into too much detail, the topic of jump offs came up between me and one of my friends.  My friend Kristina* is in a friendship with a male friend and that friendship could go to the next level (no, not a relationship but friends with benefits). Actually, according to many, the friendship should’ve gone to the next level a long time ago, but the point is she is wondering does that make her a jump off in her friend’s eyes.

Most of my female friends don’t put themselves in “jump off” situations, so I wondered would my friend really be a jump off if she decided to take her friendship to another level.  I mean, they are both consenting adults who want to and at the same time, they aren’t looking to be in a relationship (although they have been playing this flirting game for over 2 years so you never know about these two). At the same time, they are friends and do send “where have you been messages” when they haven’t talked or seen each other in a while.  So a true established friendship is there.  So to ease my friend’s worries, I went online and found a blog that talked about the true definition of a jump off.

According to the blog site, a jump off doesn’t have any benefits  outside of what takes place after 12am; meaning you don’t hang out, go to dinner & movies, have conversations about other things than sex etc.  The only thing you talk about is when you’ll be hanging out after 12am again (you get my drift).

Check out http://www.nakedwithsockson.com/2009/02/17/definition-of-a-jump-off/ for the entire blog.

If you’re really unsure what you think you’ll be labeled as, just ask.  Guys will be honest with you, believe me! I’ve learned this from hanging out with my male friends.  Guys are honest; most of the time females just think they’re jerks because they speak the truth and say what we don’t want to hear. In this situation though, Kristina is most likely not a jump off.  If she was, her friend would’ve moved on by now and not care when they didn’t interact as friends.  So who knows what will happen in Kristina’s case; if she does decide to move on to a friends with benefits relationship, she just has to be prepared that the interaction between her and her friend will never be the way it was before.

*Name has been change

So I went to Pittsburgh this past weekend for homecoming and had a GREAT time with my PITT family! We always have a good time when we get together.   That weekend, I saw so many people I went to school with 6 years ago! (Time does go by fast). One thing I did notice that seems to be a trend is everyone getting weave.  Now believe me, I understand; we all want to add some length.  I’ve been known to rock the ponytail myself.  BUT, if you are going to rock the weave, ladies ladies ladies, we must pay more attention to what the final product looks like.  IT MUST BE ON POINT!! The purpose of the weave is to look natural, but I think people have forgotten that.

If you are going to rock the weave, here are some things to think about:

1. The weave color should look natural– There is now reason your weave is orange, red, blond if your natural hair color is dark brown.  Come on! And if you decide to get a partial weave, the weave color and your natural hair color should match. A weave should look natural. 

 2. Your weave should move when your head moves – We are too old to use synthetic hair.  If you are going to take the time to get a weave, take the time to invest in one that looks good and natural which means human hair please!

 3. Your weave shouldn’t start 6 inches from your hair line – Do I really need to explain this one?

 4. If you are unsatisfied with the outcome, please let the stylist know – I saw some weaves this weekend that looked frizzy, puffy and not well maintained.   Before you walk out of the salon, make sure it looks the way YOU want it to look b/c you are the one that has to wear it.

5.  Invest in keeping it maintained - Now that you have committed to wearing a weave, you must maintain it! This means washing it frequently and having it tightened if you have a sewn in.  Talk to your stylist about best practices. 

So the next time you decide to get a weave, keep these things in mind.  A weave is an investment and if you want to wear one, you should make that investment!

This post may come across as petty.  It was written in response to a conversation I had with a friend through text message that really bothered me. Granted I wasn’t in a great emotional state at the time, but it did spark me to write this  post and get some things off my chest.

Growing up as an only child, I’ve always valued the friendships I’ve had.  So I always felt the need to go out of my way to make sure I kept in touch with my friends.  I consider my friends my brothers & sisters I never had growing up.

But over the years, I’ve found that people I’ve considered friends haven’t really done their part to earn that title.  Numerous times I have found myself as the person to ALWAYS call, send messages, text, etc to check up on friends to see how they are doing, if they want to hang out etc.  But if I’m not the one to keep in touch, I never hear from my so called friends.   We become more like acquaintances hanging out when everyone we know is together.  So instead of receiving text to see how I’m doing or inviting me to hang out, I receive messages like “we must not be friends…haven’t talked to you or seen you in ages” I sit there thinking to myself, why haven’t you picked up the phone to call, send a text or invite me out to chill?? Are you fingers broken? I DON’T THINK SO!

I’ll either have friends that don’t keep in touch unless I reach out or their response to everything is “well just hit me up…you know I’m around.” My question for you is, why can’t you keep in touch too? You know I’m around, so why can’t you call me and see how I’m doing??

I  sometimes get the feeling that these so called friendships I have are one sided  If you were really my friend, wouldn’t you make the effort to touch base and hang out? I make numerous efforts because I love my friends and want them in my life.  I’m not the type to like to cut people out of my life; so I can either continue reaching out hoping for things to change or I can fall back and hope my friends get a clue and realize it’s a 2 way street.  The last thing I want to do is fall back and have someone slowly disappear out of my life, but at the same time you have to earn the friendship title and it doesn’t come easily.

I have to admit one of my closest friends sparked the topic of this blog.  She finally broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years.  This was a on again off again relationship that lasted WAY TOO LONG!   If she wasn’t with him, she always felt the need to have a guy in her life even if he treated her like crap (yea she’s going to hate me for writing this but she’ll get over it.  LOVE YOU! )  Her reason was “I don’t like to be alone…I need someone to always be around” That’s such a sad statement.

Then I thought about another friend of mine who was stuck on her ex for a LONG time  (but clearly that was a toxic relationship because it’s over and he acts like you don’t exist.  Yes I can admit, guys mess up sometimes and act like jerks.  There are some in the bunch.  But the other part of the equation is that females out here these days to not have self love.  How can you expect to be in a healthy, drama free relationship if you don’t love yourself first????

If you don’t have confidence in who you are and love the person that God made you, how can you expect to be with someone who is going to respect you, put your needs before yours and treat you like the queen you are meant to be?   It amazes me how soooo many women feel like men are dogs and doing so much wrong, but they fail to realize, you don’t love yourself! And because you don’t love yourself and respect yourself, you stay around to “deal” with the cheating, drama, disrespect, etc !

When are going to learn to love ourselves, flaws and all?? Once there is love for ourselves, we can weed out all of the drama and bull and not waste time on people who don’t deserve your time and energy.  Everyday I’m learning to love my flaws and all….when will you???

So I was out at dinner last night with my best friend and we noticed a guy and girl sitting at a table across from us. I told my friend, I hope they aren’t on a date, because he was definitely on his phone!!! That scene sparked us to sit at the table and come up with some date etiquette rules.  Please keep in mind, these apply to both guys and girls!

1. Don’t show up too early or late – It’s not a good idea to show up 45 minutes early and have to wait for your date to finish getting ready. And showing up late shows that you really don’t care about the date.  5-10mins before is appropriate…like you would for an interview.

2. If you ask to take someone out, you pay the bill – Most guys get this concept, but ladies, if you’re going to be the independent women that you are and ask a guy out, you are offering to pay the bill.

3. Come with a plan, but leave room for spontaneity – Please don’t arrive and ask “so what do you want to do?” If you’re the one who initiated the date, you need to have a plan but know that it doesn’t have to be set in stone.

4. Chivalry please! – Guys, please be a gentleman.  This means, opening doors, pulling a chair out and letting the lady walk in the door before you.

5. Don’t talk about yourself the entire time- Talking about yourself the entire time shows that you aren’t really interested in your date.  Ask questions to show interest.

6. Compliments would be nice – Compliments show that you are paying attention to the details and really taking the time to notice your date.

7.  Don’t mention past dates/relationships, politics, and religion – These topics are off limits.

8.  Look presentable – You would think this is a no brainer, but some people just don’t get it.  We are all grown ups, so let’s act like we care about our appearance.

9.  Stay off the cell phone!! – Texting, checking voicemail, Twitter, Facebook, even talking on your phone shows that you aren’t interested in the date or enjoying yourself.  If you didn’t want to be there, you shouldn’t have agreed go on the date in the first place!

10.  HAVE FUN AND ENJOY THE MOMENT!

So when you want to take that step and ask someone out on a date, keep these tips in mind so there will be a second and third date in the future!

I’m sitting here watching the View and one of the “Hot Topics” is about the new Chris Rock movie “GOOD HAIR” and why black women do what they do to their hair.  Barbara Walters throughout the show kept asking “do black women get weaves, relaxers and wigs to look like white women?” She asked Sherri, Whoopi AND Chris Rock after she was already told NO. We don’t want to look like you Barbara Walters and we won’t ever be mistaken to look like white women. LOL

Manageability and versatility are two main reasons why black women opt for the weaves, wigs and relaxers.  When I was younger dancing took up a lot of my time and sweated out my hair.  Even in high school, I attempted to grow my relaxer out while dancing every weekend and having step practice 3 times a week.  My mom wasn’t into spending hours and hours at a time washing, blow drying, using a hot comb and flat iron to straighten my hair.  So instead, I got a kid relaxer when I was younger and once in high school a mild relaxer to help make my hair more manageable.  I had too many activities going to go natural and at that age, I wasn’t able to manage natural hair.  Having a relaxer made it much easier.

Women, not just black women, get bored very easily.  So to keep ourselves entertained, we like to switch it up every once in a while. Think about it, the majority of white women you run into have dyed their hair.  All of you aren’t naturally blond!!  One of my white friends puts in extensions every so often to add a little length to her hair when going out and dyes her hair I would say every 6 months.  Every time I see her it’s a different color!   Wearing a weave or wigs gives women the change to keep their look new, fresh and exciting.   It’s almost like going through a phase.  Sometimes we want short hair, sometimes we want long and other times we want some color.

If there are any other reasons that I’m missing, ladies please let me know! Believe me, if black women wanted to look like another race, we would be racing to the plastic surgeon to have our noses and lips reduced.  But we’re not.  Everyone deals with her own insecurities, but as a whole, we black women love the way we look.  We just want more manageable and versatile hair.  Women in general go through a lot when it comes to hair maintenance so we can show up on point everywhere we go!

One of my Facebook friends posted a video called “If you’re not married, you’re single.” It featured a guy talking about relationships and how so many people are  “DOING THE MOST” and are not married. This youtube video is hilarious but SOOOOO TRUE!!!! Definitely something everyone needs to hear!  Check it out and let me know what you think!!!

Stephanie has known for a while that after college she wanted to be a teacher. She received her Masters degree in Education at John Hopkins University and now works at an Elementary School in Howard County. She teaches 4th grade and has made a significant impact over the last year, taking on the challenge of teaching 2 autistic children along with her other 19 students. Along with teaching, she is also involved in coaching the school’s pep-squad, working as a math tutor and leading an enrichment program after school.

Stephanie is an up and coming educator in Howard County, praised by parents, teachers and students.  She’s a fun, no-non sense teacher who takes her job very seriously. She truly cares for the well-being of her students.  We all need teachers like Stephanie in the world today! While she’s focusing on teaching now, she is planning on returning to school in the next year or so for her Ph.D. so she can move along to own her own child psychology practice in the future.