A Diva State of Mind

I started hanging out with Lourdes this summer when I came back to the DC area after graduation.  We had met a few times in the past through our mutual friend.  We had no idea we were both in Pittsburgh at the same time during our graduate school programs!! I recently went to happy hour and learned my girl Lourdes has picked up another job…that puts her at 3! Yes 3!! Can we say grindin’!! I am not mad at you at all.  The Public Policy and Management graduate from Tufts is interning with Alliance for Excellent Education, an Achievement Coach with Higher Achievement and working at a gym.  YOU GO GIRL!!  She is definitely doing big things in DC and trying to make a change. I wanna be just like you when I grow up!

The iPhone has now created an application that will help you find Mr./Mrs. Right and avoid entertaining Mr./Mrs. Wrong!! The new iPhone Date Check application created by Intelius.  All you need is a person’s name and/or telephone number and you use that information to search a massive database that contains the background information of any person you are seeking to find. This info includes their name, address, phone number, and information on their criminal past, you can get info about their education. You can even find out if he still lives at home with his mama!!

While this sounds very interesting, some would argue that this application is an invasion of privacy and if you’re talking to someone who has a common name, the criminal record of John Doe may not be the background of the John Doe you’re talking to. So is this a great application??

What do you think? Would you use it???

This summer at work, we started to receive our fall merchandise and now that September is almost over, if you haven’t done so already, it’s time to add some fun fall must-haves to the wardrobe.  And not surprisingly, it looks like the 80’s are officially back!!! We got a taste of the 80’s last year with the infamous liquid leggings and sequins tops, but it looks like the fashion world has decided to take it to the next level. If you’re feeling 80’s inspired this fall season, here are some styles you should definitely add to your wardrobe!!

(Remember to shop for trends on a budget and always invest in wardrobe essentials!)

JACKETS

The EXPRESS STRONG SHOULDER JACKET – Sexy and Sophisticated, putting a new edge on the office blazer.  This is a great blazer to wear with a skirt and roll up the sleeves and rock with leggings and skinny jeans at night!

The Boyfriend Jacket – You can’t go wrong with this piece!!  A neutral boyfriend jacket looks great with skinny jeans and leggings and of course it’s a great piece to contrast with a tunic and/or a printed dress during spring.

(Featured above is the Stella McCarthy Boyfriend Jacket).

 NOVELTY LEGGINGS

Move over black leggings and make room for prints!!  This season printed patterns like snake and leopard are taking over the traditional black leggings. These look great with a blazer, cardigan or military jacket.  Add some fun to the leggings by wearing bright pumps and/or accessories.

(Featured are BCBG MaxAzri leggings)

LEATHER – WELL NOT REALLY!

Leather – Leather is in, but its recession proof leather! Faux leather and “Minus the Leather” styles have taken over this year.  It looks and feels like the real thing, but less expensive! Why not rock the latest fashions without spending a fortune!  

(Featured is the EXPRESS Minus the Leather Jacket and Rachel Roy Faux Leather Bubble mini skirt)

 NEON

Make a BOLD statement with bright colors this fall. Pair with a neutral (like the boyfriend jacket), black tights or pants for a bold, put together look.

(Featured is a Rachel Roy bold printed dress)

I was talking to one of my girls the other day and she mentioned how she has given up on guys.  I guess you could say she’s tired of them being inconsistent.  There was this one guy she was talking to at the beginning of the summer; he would fly her down to where he was to visit, he would call, they would spend weekends together.  Let’s just say he was putting in work.  All of a sudden, at the end of the summer, he falls back.  He isn’t around as much & doesn’t call as often.  Now most of you would say, sounds like a summer fling. Summer is now over so let’s move on.  And I pretty much gave her the same advice, if he is no longer putting in the effort and you feel like you’re doing too much, time to let it go and move on.  ”But there is one problem,” she said. “The sex is LIFE CHANGING!!!!”

Those are her words, not mine lol.  I told her it always comes down to the sex! I guess if it wasn’t life changing, she would’ve moved on by now and just forgot about the guy but oh no,  she “likes” him and it’s soooooo amazing.  Then I thought, it always comes down to the “male ego” (that’s what we’ll call it lol).  You can be the smartest woman in the world, but if he knows what he’s doing, you’ll walk around like a lost puppy looking for her owner, not knowing what to do with yourself; do you move on or wait around for him because you can’t let THAT go??  Somehow good judgment always gets thrown out the window!! SMH

But don’t get me wrong, it’s not just females that fall into the EGO trap.  Guys can get wiped too! What ever happened to mind over matter people?!?! Believe me, I’m sure it’s life changing, but is it worth the stress of not knowing if he/she will come around again; is it worth having more battles in the “relationship” than good times, etc?? I DON’T THINK SO!!! I know it’s a hard thing to do, but it’s ok to let things go and move on.  I’m sure there will be better egos down the road that bring the entire package: a great ego and has the desire to be with you because they are genuinely interested.  Let’s not fall for the ego trap; it seems to get us all too often!

I just need to get this off my chest!!

I attended a Mayweather fight party last night and it was quite interesting….but more importantly, I met up with some male friends that I hadn’t hung out with in awhile. Please note, we are all friends and have known each other for about 4 years.  So while I’m reuniting with my friends, one of my friends asks me when we are going to hook up.  I look at this fool like here we go again .We have had this conversation before; he has talked to too many females I know, our other friend who he is really cool with makes passes at me too and I’ve known you for way too long to actually take that question seriously.   So I thought to myself (I seem to do a lot of that lol), why is it that friends hit on the same female like she is going to talk to all of you???? Now I can’t take my friends seriously because they have said things like this over the years but then again, how do you know if they are serious or not?

Over the course of the past 6 years, the majority of the guy friends I have from college have had a “crush on me,” tried to talk to me or have hit on me (yes we all hang out in the same circle so the guys are all friends too).  Yes it’s flattering when one person is attracted to you, but all of you in the same circle??? Is that suppose to be a compliment or am I being viewed as a piece of meat and everyone wants their turn?  I know over the years I’ve probably missed the opportunity to “talk” or be in a relationship with some really great people, but how can I take them seriously when all of the same friends have tried to talk to me? For the record, I will go ahead and apologize if I have offended anyone by laughing in your face, rolled my eyes, said “yeah right” and walked away, but I know guys talk and you guys have to know that you’ve all have made a pass at me.  I admit, I have flirted with some of my guy friends in the past because it is fun and I can, so why not?! But at the end of the day, they are still my boys and I love them as friends.  I know I may come across as harsh or I may sound full of myself and I definitely don’t mean to come off that way,  I just wonder in general why the same friends will make passes/try to talk  to the same girl and think that’s ok.

Some of my friends have made a declaration that at the age of 24, they don’t want to be in a relationship. They want to be “free” and enjoy the single life; do what they want and go as they please without having to “answer to anyone.” Now I have lived this life FOREVER, so I always enjoy another friend who wants to join the single life bandwagon (that’s one more friend who is free to go out with me on weekends and meet for happy hours after work!)

So since everyone feels the single life is the way to live right now while we’re all in our early to mid twenties and while we strive to make a little money and find our way, why do my friends continue to feel the need to want to hook me up or introduce me to guys? One friend of mine wants to introduce me to some guy next time we all go out and says she is going to secretly hook me up without me knowing it. If I have male friends in my life that are cute and nice, I’m told by my girls “stop fakin’ or why are you talking to him??” My best friend always wants me to meet someone or talk to someone. If we’re out I’ll here “what’s wrong with him?” “He’s cute, why didn’t you give him your number??” I know I’ve been by myself for a very long time but damn, do I really come across as being that lonely?? LOL

My female friends have been in on again, off again relationships that seem to be filled with so much drama, you forget that they had good times. Or they forget they have friends because they’re with their mates ALL the time. My male friends have been in relationships where they don’t feel free and they seem to be different people while in the relationship. Now after witnessing those all of that, what makes you think right now I want to endure the drama of a relationship? Don’t get me wrong, it would be nice to have someone to chill with on those cold winter nights (cuddle buddies are great) and it would be nice to have someone to just be there. I can even admit that I’m not interested in liking anyone right now; it’s too much drama and most of the times you’re feelings get hurt anyway, so why even go down that path of playing cat and mouse?? Yes I know, you’re supposed to live life and take chances. Well right now I would rather enjoy the good times of happy hour and U Street with the girls on a Saturday night. When the time is right, I’ll start crushing on a new guy and looking for a relationship. Right now is just not that time!!!!

While at work the other day, three girls walked in looking to purchase suits.  They had recently tried to attend a school career fair, but were denied entry because they weren’t dress appropriately.  The young ladies were all juniors and had never owned a suit.  When I was an undergraduate business student, I had  a suit (maybe even 2) and all of my classmates made sure to have suits too! So I thought, fall not only marks the beginning of another school season and interview season, it’s also a great time to evaluate the wardrobe to make sure we have the essentials that will last through any situation from year to year.  Below is a list of essentials for both men and women.  Let’s make sure we have the essentials as the fall season approaches us!

Young Professional Men’s Wardrobe Essentials:

*White dress shirt – White dress shirts are a staple piece. They should be worn with dresser pieces like a dark suit or dress pants and coat. The great thing about white shirts is they look great on everyone.

*Dress pants – You may not want to wear a suit every time you have to attend an event where business or business casual is appropriate.  A nice pair of dress pants with a separate piece like a blazer goes a long way.

*Navy Blazer– A suit is not going to be necessary at every event when a jacket is required, so having a sports blazer as an alternative is great! A navy blazer with a pair of khakis looks great.

*Gray or Navy Suit – We are now at the age of interviewing, networking, and being a part of professional organizations where business attire is essential.  A navy or dark grey suit is essential. The pieces can be worn as separates too, allowing for a more versatile wardrobe.  This is definitely an investment piece. 

Check out EXPRESS. They currently have select suits on sale for 30% off.  Also check out Jos A. Banks. They currently have a Buy 1 Suit, get 2 Suits for Free sale going on! You can’t beat that deal!

*Dark dress shoes & matching dress belt – Dress shoes and belts have to match! That is the cardinal rule when putting together an outfit!

*Pair of khakis- While jeans are comfortable and great, they can’t be worn everywhere and all the time! Business casual does not equal jeans.

*Solid tie – Solid ties will look great with your white button up shirt or any other dress shirts you have in your closet. You can’t go wrong here.

*Polo– Casual shirts like polos look great with a pair of jeans or khakis.  They can be worn during the day or at night with khakis and dress shoes.

*Dark denim jeans - Dark denim jeans are great because they can be dressed up or dressed down.  Dark denim is great for casual Fridays at work and looks great with a button up shirt when going out.

Read more: http://mensfashion.about.com/od/dressingonabudget/a/budgetesentials.htm

Young Professional Women’s Wardrobe Essentials:

*White dress shirt – White dress shirts are a staple piece. They should be worn with dresser pieces like a dark suit or dress pants and a jacket. The great thing about white shirts is they look great on everyone.

*Black dress pants – Dress pants are great to wear to work with a nice top and are essential when attending a “business casual event.”  A nice pair of dress pants with a separate piece like a blazer or sweater goes a long way.

*Black Pencil Skirt– The basic black pencil skirt is amazing!! The fitted silhouette looks great on anyone.  You can always dress up the pencil skirt with a belt or great funky tights for the fall/winter!

*Dark Suit – We are now at the age of interviewing, networking, and being a part of professional organizations where business attire is essential.  A dark suit is essential. The pieces can be worn as separates too, allowing for a more versatile wardrobe.  This is definitely an investment piece. 

*Black Pumps – Black pumps are essential! They can be worn with anything.  A diva must always have a pair of heels on hand.

*Jacket – This includes the classic boyfriend jacket which is masculine, but oh so feminine, and/or a leather jacket .  The boyfriend jacket looks great with jeans or over a dress while the leather jacket looks great with everything! Rock the leather jacket for a more edgy look.

*The Little Black Dress – There is a LBD out there for everyone! A little black dress that hits right at the knee or above can be so flattering. This dress is great for any dressy occasion: cocktail dinner, new years eve party, wedding, etc.

*Cotton Sweater or Any Occasional Top – Many list of wardrobe essentials suggest a sweater and other suggest an any occasional top.  Sweaters are great because they can be worn with anything; jeans, dress pants, and skirts.  Look for a top that looks great during any occasion under a jacket.

*Trench Coat – There are trench coats for both fall and spring that come in a variety of colors allowing you to show your more creative side.  Trench coats look great over dress pants and a casual shirt.

*Dark denim jeans – Dark denim jeans are great because they can be dressed up or dressed down.  Dark denim is great for casual Fridays at work and looks great with a party top when going out.

Read more: http://womensfashion.suite101.com/article.cfm/tim_gunns_10_essential_elements#ixzz0RPPFJ6IZ

Where does this sense of entitlement guys seem to have come from?? One of my friends, Laura*, met this guy and he really thought she was one of those around the way girls.  If she didn’t want to come over at 3am in the morning to  “hang out” or if she didn’t wasn’t willing to see him on her terms, he would get upset and start cursing at her.  Please note, Laura and this guy have known each other for less than 3 weeks.  While I was sitting there on the phone listening to my girl tell me her story, I thought to myself, who is this dude?? And where does he get this sense of entitlment from? Fellas, please know the type of females you are approaching so you don’t get your feelings hurt, b/c the ladies I hang with are not the “around the way girls” and we don’t put up with that non-sense.

So back to my original question, where do guys get this sense of entitlement from?? (PAUSE) I KNOW…from these weak, low self-esteem girls out here who think that the key to a man wanting to be with you or getting some “material” things is to sleep with him.  #FAIL.  My sistas out there, sleeping with a man before he even knows your name will not give you respect.  You may get some “quality” time with the dude and he may even make you feel like you’re a star by showering you with a gift or two, but please believe, you are a groupie, jump-off, etc (I would use another word, but you get the point). You are the reasons guys feel they can talk and treat women any way they want and expect something in return; because they have come across you who let them walk all over you and disrespect you.  You have to stop the cycle.  If all the women out here put an end to this foolish idea that sleeping with someone, especially an athlete or celebrity is going to get you somewhere or a title, this sense of entitlement would fade away.  We’ve heard the saying before, ladies we hold the power.  It is up to us to decide how we want to be treated and we must educate each other so one bad appled doesn’t spoil it for the rest of us!

*Her name has been changed

As requested, my first “life experience post!” ENJOY!!

I wish I could pick the brain of males to figure out, what the hell are they thinking!!!! They say us women are crazy, but you men are too! I guess you can call it the battle of venus vs. mars.  There is so much confusion between the two, no wonder so many of us are still single (while the majority of us say we want to be single, you know you wish you had someone to hold you at night). Here is my first major battle of venus vs. mars:

I have known this guy for years and we consider ourselves friends.  Well one year when the opportunity presented itself to be more than friends, I turned the chance down.  That was my boy.  Without going into too much detail, let’s just say the flirtation game has continued on and off since.  And it’s not like we flirt in hiding; it’s in front of our friends, out in public as if we’re together.  People have even asked, “are you two talking” and the answer has always been NO.  But the real question is why didn’t we ever talk? If we flirted for YEARS AND I finally gained a crush, why didn’t the situation ever move past the friend stage? Yes, I know, he didn’t want a girlfriend, but I was good enough to cuddle with, kiss in public, hold hands, etc as if we were a couple.  I know I’m wifey material, so what makes me not qualified enough to talk to?  Was I not worth the chance of finding happiness or being heartbroken? And who isn’t to say you wouldn’t hurt me either? Or is it about sex??

I know I know, I’m rambling on and on, but these are the questions females ask ourselves time and time again.  We seem to always get caught up in situations where everything seems innocent at first and when feelings become involved, why do things have to stay the same?

Ladies, here is your answer:

No matter how great of a woman you are, if a man is not ready to be in a committed relationship and settle down, he isn’t going to change his mind because you are a great woman.  It all comes down to his frame of mind and where he is at that point.  And I can tell you from experience, right now, there are plenty of 24-26 year olds NOT looking for relationships.  We women know we are wifey material and have everything to offer, but if he isn’t ready, there isn’t anything we can do. Also, if he doesn’t view you as THE great woman he sees himself being with, he isn’t going to settle down with you either.  I know it sounds harsh and hurts, but it’s the truth.  So when you’re dealing with a guy and things aren’t moving forward, you can only be mad at yourself for sticking around and thinking something is going to change regardless if you’re wifey material.  You have to live your life too; LET GO & MOVE ON! Just know that if it’s meant to be, you’ll find each other when the time is right and you’re BOTH ready!

Ms. Erikka has trained intensively for the last 6 months to run in her first marathon; The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society 26 mile marathon run to raise money to help stop leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin lymphoma and melanoma from taking more lives.  Not only is this diva training for leukemia and lymphoma, she is a graduate from Pitt, majored in Health Information Management, and has been working for a doctor’s office every since. She hopes to move back to the DMV and in the future work on the business side of the medical field.  She has even started to look for MBA programs (join the club!) While working hard, she doesn’t fail to play hard either looking fabulous every time she steps out the front door! Erikka is smart, driven, fashionable, and knows EVERYONE making her my Diva of the Week! Love you girl!!

Please show your support for the The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society by supporting Erikka in her mission to run 26 miles!!! http://pages.teamintraining.org/wpa/corps09/ewatkinneu